McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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