We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
