Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
