fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
