I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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