That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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