For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
