I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
