they need to just BURY HIM!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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