Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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