went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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