He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
