We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
