I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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