Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
