How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
