It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
