i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
