i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
