walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't turn off my feet"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
