Got a toothbrush?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
