Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
