i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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