I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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