I must be too annoying 4 u.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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