I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
