I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
