if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
