Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
