just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
