Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
