so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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