did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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