so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
