This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
