Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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