I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
