why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
