I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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