If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
