I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
