Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
