Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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