why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
