I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
