I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
