Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
