dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
