Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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