And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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