there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
