Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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